But Today is the First Day of Break

It's the first official day of summer break. Saturday and Sunday didn't count apparently because, well, it was Saturday and Sunday. At least that's what the 'expert students in the house' said. So TODAY is the first day of summer break.

So we kicked off our summer break by doing something radical, something adventurous, something outrageous.

We went to the dentist.

That's just how I roll.


Waiting patiently for their appointment after getting fawned over by the receptionist. I have gorgeous kids - I can't help it.


Adam getting the once over by the dentist after getting a promise from said dentist that he wasn't going to use "loud things" in his mouth.


Aaron in the dentist's chair after 10 minutes of debate and threats of "it's your choice - in the chair or no computer"

The kids did great! No cavities for the first time EVER!!!!! When the dentist praised them for their nice teeth, Aaron replied "I'm doing everything I can to avoid this place". You've got to admire the truth.

BUT they did give the dentist, receptionist and hygenist a hug on their way out. So it couldn't have been all bad, right?

The First 24

I've been trying to find the words to explain how the first day of summer vacation has gone and the only phrase that comes to mind is "extra autistic".

When the boys got off the bus, it was emotional. Aaron was crying and yelling "goodbye bus" for about 15 minutes or so. Adam was doing his "school's over forever and I'm never going to see them again EVER". Aaron was onto his "I'm going to miss them all but I'll see them in September" and then getting angry with anything in his line of sight (which tells me that he may have SAID the words, but he didn't put much faith in the words).

Adam's noise sensory went through the roof and all noises bothered him. Aaron's stimming went into overdrive and he was stimming on everything, which was making noise, which was bothering Adam, which was making Aaron stim even more. So I split them up, Aaron downstairs on his computer (and hopefully a bit of peace of mind) and Adam upstairs with me cuddling and talking about anything *quietly*.

That's when they started tag teaming me.

Fact: Children have this amazing ability to tag team a parent until said parent either a)gives in to the demands b)has a nervous breakdown c)reaches for the tylenol (or alcohol) or d)banishes all parties to separate rooms

So yeah, the tag teaming started. Adam would need cuddles and snuggles and he'd slowly come out of his tears and be ok when Aaron would come in, angry about whatever it is that upset him. We'd talk about what was REALLY upsetting him and the talk would turn to school. When we worked that out as best we could, then I would hear tears coming from Adam.

And so that went on until Dad got home from work. You can't tag team when there are two parents involved now.

Dad took Adam and I took Aaron. Adam is easier to understand what his needs are. He is very upfront with what his issues are. If he's sad, he'll tell you he's sad. If he's upset ... well you get it.

Aaron on the other hand, is a lot like I was at the age. Emotions are hard to figure out and since the easiest emotion to express is anger, it all comes out as anger. So when he's angry about something, we try to see what the real reason and the real emotion it is. He's a lot better than he used to be. At least now, he expresses tears when he's sad.

So yeah, with a lot of deep breathing on the parents' part and a lot of hugs, kisses and words of comfort, we thought we got it under control. Calendar is marked for the beginning of the school year and we're going to cross off the days.

The next morning, everything seemed fine. I was a little suspicious because I had not expected it to go as well as it did. Adam got himself dressed as he usually does and Aaron made his toast like he does on Saturdays. I made myself a coffee and breakfast for Adam. And I watched them like hawks.

No meltdowns, no huge outbursts, nothing big happened today. What I did notice was a lot of extra stimming on Aaron's part and extra bouncing on Adam's part. Today was just "extra autistic". They both went for the extra hugs and kisses today - Adam actually kissing me on the cheek with his LIPS (which is a big deal).

So we tried to go to the hairdressers. When we got there, we noticed that our usual Angel of Hair Cuts wasn't in and I debated using another one, when one came up to us. I explained (gah again) that the boys have autism and that they'll need to know what's going on beforehand - especially with the hairdryer and the clippers. I don't think she heard me because she didn't warn them - I had to. But at least she was quick. And we won't be going to her anymore.

The stimming, bouncing and babble talk was increasing rapidly so we were back at home before you could say 'meltdown'. At home, Adam went for a nap on his own which was a shocker for me and Aaron started reading a book without prompting. Could it be that they are starting to figure out on their own what their body is telling them? Or is this just a complete coincidence. That's something I'll have to watch for.

It's now 9:40pm and Adam has just fallen asleep. Hopefully soon, Aaron will follow suit.

So all in all, the first 24 hours of vacation time went pretty well. Sure they were emotional, but it really could have been worse. But my sons hoard their thoughts as well as they hoard their things, so I'm sure to hear about school and their teachers many many more times before the summer's out.

The Last Day of School

I excited about this. Come on! Swimming, beaches, sleeping in, picnic breakfasts, cottage, firepits, getting dirty, spending time with da boyz - bestest fun ever! I'm looking forward to it.

The boys are, well, a little less enthused about it all. I spent two hours reassuring a tearful Adam that it was only a break from school and that it wasn't forever. He replied that "two months was too long" and that his world is just ending. He was just going to miss his teachers WAY TOO MUCH. I promised that we would continue the Morning Song and we would do attendance every morning. So now I've got to print out a picture of our house and five tiny pictures of us. I think it'll be fun. I also think that within a week, he'll be ok with the new routine. He just loves his teachers and I think that's wonderful. It's just a shame we can't hide them in his school bag and bring them home.

Aaron, on the other hand, is pretty nonchalant about the whole thing. I asked him about it, seeing as he is the one that cries if we try to leave the house without hugging him first and has been known to be in tears when the pizza guy leaves, or when a show ends. He says he's ok with it all. But it's early yet. And, to be fair, I asked him while he was on the computer so he wasn't exactly paying attention. We'll see how he is tomorrow.

But I'm excited enough for the three of us. We're going to try the whole shoe tying thing again ... once I teach myself how to do it left handed. We're going to relax and reconnect and basically try the go with the flow within a schedule (it's possible you know). There's a few things I want to do with the boys to get them ready for next year. A bit of math and some language - specifically typing skills.

But mostly, it's going to be a blast - they just don't know it yet.

The Boys and The Dentist

Aaron and Adam need to know everything beforehand. That's just their way. If we're doing anything, we need to explain the who, what, where, when, why and how. Once it's explained, then there is no problem.

The first time we went to the dentist with Aaron, we explained to him everything that would happen. Because we suspected that he had a cavity, we explained that the dentist was going to put a cotton swab on his gum to freeze it. We explained that the dentist was doing to use a tool that would sound like a drill and that he would fill the cavity and his tooth wouldn't hurt. In fact he wouldn't feel a thing. I didn't mention the needle because I knew the dentist always made it so you never even saw or felt the needle and Aaron has a thing about needles. After explaining all that, Aaron was ready for the dentist. I thought I covered all the bases. Pfft!

We got to the dentist's and Aaron popped right into the chair ready to go. The dentist did the swab thing (which Aaron expected) and the dentist looked in his mouth. While he was looking in Aaron's mouth, he expertly did the needle thing and Aaron didn't notice. Then it happened. I forgot to explain to Aaron HOW your mouth would feel as it was freezing. That sent him over the edge. He wasn't expecting it and there was no way we were continuing. There was no explaining to him now that the hard part was over - no way! He was leaving, that's it - that's all. Huge meltdown. Big panic. The dentist was not touching him never, no way, forget it.

All because I forgot.

Now because I knew that it was useless at this point to reason with Aaron, and because I didn't want the dentist/patient relationship ruined forever, we just went home. And Aaron educated Adam on the experience. Now I've got two kids scared of the dentist.

The dentist didn't do anything wrong and I liked him. He had been my dentist for many years. But I knew that bringing the boys back would be a disaster so I started shopping around for a new one. It didn't really take long, I was lucky. I called the office and explained that the boys had autism and would need extra attention and explanations of EVERYTHING. I also gave a brief run down of the previous experience so they would have an idea of what they were up against. We booked an appointment.

The first appointment was with the hygenist. Oh my goodness - I love her! She sat with the boys and didn't even try looking into their mouths at first. She explained all the tools she had, let them touch the tools, and answered all their questions. Then she asked - ASKED - if she could count their teeth. And they let her without argument. She explained everything she was doing as she was going and it was wonderful! After she looked at, and counted, both the boys' teeth, she announced that the dentist wanted to look at their teeth also. She didn't even try and clean them or use any of the loud tools. Plus they got to wear cool sunglasses.

The dentist came in and did the same thing. Explained all his tools, let the boys explore, answered all their questions. Then he looked in their mouths and 'counted teeth' all while explaining everything to them.

And that was it. The appointment was a success. The boys got new toothbrushes, toothpaste, floss, and two toys each because they were SO good.

Each time we go to the dentist for their six month check up, the hygenist does a little more but always asking first. The last time, she even cleaned their teeth with that polish that they use. I'm over the moon about that!

So now when I say that we're doing to the dentist, the boys are actually excited about it. We're going slowly, but it's getting there.

As for cavities, we do the hospital thing where they are put under so the dentist can work. It's less stressful for both the boys and the dentist. But that's a story for another day.

Happy Father's Day

When I think of Father's Day, there are three people that always come to mind.

Pepere

My grandfather. I would spend every summer at my grandparent's cottage. My grandfather would get up at 6:00 am every morning and read. I remember asking him why he did that and he answered that it was his 'quiet time'. He would take walks with me and explain about nature, life, whatever I needed to know at the moment. He patiently answered all my kid questions with honesty and respect. I never felt small or unimportant with him. I was respected for who I was and I adored him. I still do. It was through him that I learned how to be 'still' and to 'listen'. To appreciate all that life gives you. That is was ok to be me.

He was the type of man that would see my brother and I trying to sell rocks and weeds on the dock, jump in his boat pretending to take a ride, pull up to our dock, and buy our stock. Or he would see us swimming, and drive by us in the boat to cause waves for us. Yeah, he was THAT cool. Pepere was patient and kind. Loving and generous. Quick to smile and slow to anger.

When he had kidney disease and lost both kidneys, he took it in stride. He handled dialysis, kidney transplant, transplant failure, more dialysis, another transplant with dignity and strength. For 16 years we saw it drain the life from him, but he still had a smile on his face. His strength was immeasurable.

Pepere passed away July 1, 1996. After all these years, I still feel him with me. He would have been proud of his great grand kids.

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Dad

My dad. My dad is the type of man that turns down an opportunity to work overseas and make a boatload of money because it would have meant spliting up the family. Us kids would have gone to boarding school and we would have only seen our parents on holidays. You have got to appreciate a man that would do that. I know I do. He is the definition of "Family man". When I think of all the things we would have missed out on if he had taken that job:

Dad making Sunday brunches. It was just so cool that dad got up with us on Sundays and it was our special time. We had so much fun.

His sense of humour. He taught me that it's ok to laugh at yourself, not to take yourself so seriously. In fact, you had better be able to laugh at yourself or the world's going to look a whole look more depressing. And he was right.

Dad singing his favourite song - off key. Mac Davis: O Lord, It's Hard to be Humble. If you don't know the song, I suggest you click the link - it's a funny song. I still laugh every time I hear it. And I still remember most of the words. And what's amazing is that you'd never meet another man as humble as my dad. He never shouted his praises nor expected any.

His excellent work ethic. Do the best job you can do. Even if you don't like your job, still do the best job you can do. Appreciate the fact that you're able to work at all. Do your best at all you do and that is it's own reward.

Playing baseball and hockey. My Dad was into sports and we would watch him play every weekend. His team let us be score keepers and we were their mascots. Sports was his hobby, his passion. When he was severely injured and was unable to play anymore, Dad didn't moan about it. He accepted that it was over for him - and it must have been hard for him. I wouldn't know because he never showed it. But I do know that he really loved playing.

My dad loves his grandchildren with the same unbridled love that he loves his children. They are not autisic to him, they are Andy, Aaron and Adam - his pride and his joy. Dad's face lights up when he sees them and he's already ready for the hugs and the chatter.

I think Dad's most important lesson to me was that sensitivity is a strength. He's there when you need a shoulder, when you need support. When the chips are down, there's my dad helping to pick them back up again. When Armand had his heart attack, the one thing I didn't have to worry about was who was going to take care of my kids. I called my parents at 5:00 am and they were at my house in minutes. The week we were in out of town while Armand was getting his stunt put in, my dad drove the kids to their bus spot and picked them up there in order to keep as much routine as possible. He played and consoled the kids. But that's the way he is. Always. He's a rock. He's my dad.

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Armand

My husband. My partner in crime. I met Armand when he was DJing at a club. Armand loved DJing and he's really good at it. His speciality is mixing songs. Some of his creations are really amazing. When I got pregnant, Armand gave up DJing for a steady paying job. No one asked him to - he just did it. He has a dedication to his family that I really admire. It was more important for him to provide for his family. And when he was laid off, he was right out there the next day looking for another job - at one point delivering pizza - because that's what was needed to be done.

When my grandmother was ill, he was right there for me. Because of him, I was able to rush off to the hospital at a moment's notice when I was needed to. Without question, he jumped right in and took care of everything while my mind was filled with worry over my grandmother.

Armand's an awesome dad. When the diagnosis came in for the boys, there was never a "not MY son" moment with Armand. He took it all in stride and read up all he could. He's supported any and all ideas I've wanted to try when it came to the boys development. He never once took credit for any progress the boys made, insisting it was all me, but the truth is that he got his hands 'dirty' also. Armand was the one installing door locks when Aaron decided to sneak out of the house to inspect the van at 4:00 am. He's the one that would take the boys to car lots just so they could look. He's the one who did groceries for two years straight so I had one less thing to worry about - and because the boys were not ready for the overstimulation of the grocery store. Trips to the park and to the grandparents with the kids so I could grab an hour's sleep. He was the one that kept up with the routines when I was really too tired to do so. When the boys zoned in on a new obsession (like Cars - the movie), Armand went online and searched for any clip that the boys could watch. Transformers? We got 'em all. Bakugan? Coming out our ears. He encourages the boys in whatever their passion is. That's the coolest part. He may not understand WHY they're interested in something, but he'll encourage it and praise their efforts.

He's creating the happy memories that the boys will remember forever. They'll remember the times when they helped dad fix something and got to use REAL tools. They'll remember the times when their dad tucked them in. They'll remember the stories, jokes, riddles that they shared. They'll remember that their dad is on their side, in their corner, cheering them on. And they'll remember that their dad has always loved them and always will.

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These are very brief glimpses of three of the greatest men I ever met. They are the definition of Dad: strong, supporting, wise. Always there but not in your face about it. Quietly going about being amazing, touching the lives of those they love in constant small ways. Teaching us life lessons without us even knowing it. My life has been greatly enriched because of them. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Happy Father's Day!

My Support Group

Every Thursday afternoon, I go to what's called the Knitting Club. Well actually it's called The Club With No Name. If you knew my family, you'd understand the title. We're a little bit crazy - but in a totally cool way.

Anyway the Club started when my Great Aunt Lucille became ill and house bound. Her sisters, my grandmother being one of them, would all gather at Lucille's house and talk, laugh and do craft projects. Then the cousins joined in when we could. When Lucille passed away late last year, we decided to continue the now estabished tradition. So now we gather at my Great Aunt Leona's place.

In the Club we have my four Great Aunts, three second cousins, my mother and myself. I'm the baby. I like to say that I'm the baby because I'm almost 40 and it makes me laugh every time I say it.

It's difficult to describe what we do on Thursdays. To a casual observer, it would seem as though we were just gossiping and eating. But it's much more than that. So much more. It's sharing our joys and our sorrows. Our worries and our issues. It's about being silly, singing loudly, making jokes, celebrating life. It's fun and it lightens my heart - if you know what I mean. I get to be myself - completely myself.

I talk about the boys and they GET IT. And they offer advice that makes sense. One of my cousins has a child (now an adult) with Autism and gives me her common sense view on things. They are my family, but they are also my best friends.

These wonderful ladies live their lives by this simple credo: stuff happens and you can either accept it, or wallow in misery. And they choose to accept. Every one of us has our own personal bag of stuff to deal with - and they 'deal' with style and grace. What wonderful role models! And I'm lucky to be able to draw on their strength, wisdom and love.

We're taking a hiatus from the club during the summer because, well, it's summer and there's swimming to do. And cottaging. And traveling. And gambling. You know - fun stuff. But come September we'll be singing loudly and laughing together and making each of our lives just that much better.

Get Down with IEP ... Yeah You Know Me

I just got back from the IEP meetings. I guess you can tell by the title that it went well. As always.

Since I'm in contact with the teachers regularly, I kind of already knew what was going to be said. And the draft we got beforehand was excellent. The boys are both working at or above their grade level. Yup, they're geniuses! Ok, maybe I'm a bit biased there but it's my God given right, so there. Deal with it. I didn't go through nine months of heartburn and hours of painful and ball breaking labour (sorry honey) for nothing. I'm going to brag about all their skills - and loudly! Their language and math skills are awesome. Computer skills off the chart. Awesome!!! Couldn't be prouder!!! And I will tell anyone who even looks at me sideways - yeah, I'm that annoying about it. "I'm sorry my kid yelled at yours ... but did you know he's awesome at math?"

Ahem

Now where was I? Oh yeah, the IEP meetings. They went well. I'm happy with the outcome. I think we have a good plan in place. I'm pleased. No complaints. They talked, I agreed. I talked, they agreed. It was like having coffee with a friend - except with paperwork.

Don't get me wrong, the discussion was indepth. After all, we were discussing the childrens' academic and social goals. It's just that we're all on the same page, so these meetings tend to flow so well. We're going to continue to work on a few things like meltdowns, unnecessary noises and outbursts. And of course, Aaron's time management skills. There are a few other things we're going to revisit in September which is great with me.

I have much love for my teachers. Well, technically they are the boys' teachers. But since I learned a lot from them, they are also my teachers. Through them and with them we've come up with some pretty darn good strategies that are put in place both at home and at school. And it's gotten great results. As they say, the proof is in the pudding (whoever they are).

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Look what Adam's class made for me. Isn't it the best!?! I just love the handprints (I'm big on hand prints)





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Did I mention yet that I'm down a whole dress size? I'm telling you - today's a freaking fantastic day!

Worry and Hope

I think about the boys' future a lot. Not their careers - it doesn't matter to me what job they have as long as they are happy with it. I don't think about marriage or grandchildren either because it will be what it will be. But I do I think about how they will function as adults. A lot.

When the boys were diagnosed the first thing I asked was "Is it possible that they will be able to live independently" because I needed a game plan. I needed to know - do we research facilities or not? The doctors at Bloorview assured me that the boys could be independent. It may take ten more years than the 'usual' (I guess they meant 18), but it can happen. And that's my lifeline. That's my hope. That's my dream. Because I won't be here forever and neither will their father. That's a fact and needs to accepted. So it's important to put plans into place NOW in order to make the future as good as possible for the boys.

Every step I take in regards to working on social skills, academics, the emotional tantrums, hygiene, health - everything - is to ensure that they will be as productive as they can be as adults. Every accomplishment they make reassures me that it's one step closer to independence. Every time I ask about their progress at school, what I'm really asking is, "Is their progress moving towards that independence that they'll need as adults". I'm planning now for the future - because the 'future' becomes the 'now' quicker than people think.

Does that mean I'm pushing for them to move out of my house when they are adults? No. They can live with me my whole life and I'd be happy. But living with your parents and being dependent on your parents are two different things. I would prefer that they did live with me forever. I happen to like them as much as I love them. But I also want them to be able to live on their own if they should choose to. I want them to have those choices. I want them to be happy. And I want to be secure in the fact that they CAN live on their own and make their own choices - that they don't need me. That they're ok.

What's YOUR Normal?

The definition of normal is "conforming with, adhering to, or constituting a norm, standard, pattern, level or type".

Humans are too varied and diverse to be pigeonholed into the standard definition of normal. We need a new definition. I don't accept the standard definition when it is applied to living beings. It's too restrictive, too confining, too narrow. Basically, it bites - to be blunt.

When people find out that my children have Autism, one of the first things they say is "I wouldn't have known that. They seem so normal". To which I reply "They ARE normal". And I truly believe that.

Being normal, to me, is trying your best to be the best you that you can be without hurting others. That means overcoming obstacles (which we all have), working on our faults (which we all have), learning about ourselves (which we all should do), learning about the world (which we all should do) and growing not only physically - but mentally and emotionally. I would mention spiritually also, but some might take it to mean religion and that's not what I mean - religion and spirituality are two different things that mesh well for some and not for others.

My children do those things - every day. Their classroom is filled with normal children doing their best to be their best. Their school is filled with normal children. I could go on, but I think you get the point.

My children have Autism. Fine. That's THEIR normal. A family down the street has a child with Downs Syndrome. That's HER normal. Someone may have Agrophobia. That would be THEIR normal. See where I'm going with this? Just because it's not your normal does not mean that it's not normal. It's just not your normal. Different obstacles, different challenges, different victories. All normal. And just because we might not understand it, doesn't make it abnormal. It just means we need to learn more about it.

So the next time someone says "But they LOOK normal", reply with "That's because they ARE normal" because they are.

Sweet Glorious Sleep

When you talk with parents who are dealing with Autism, sleep - or lack thereof - seems to crop up in the conversation. Here is our story:

This was during the "I suspect they have Autism but I'm still waiting for doctors to listen to me" stage.

Both boys used to get frigteningly early. I remember 3:00 am mornings - no matter how much I try to block it out. Your eyes feel like they're full of sand, you stumble down the hallway, you think of those teen years when 3:00 am was when you WENT to SLEEP - not wake up. And you wonder if this is how it's going to be forever. You start feeling depressed. You can't think properly. Your emotions run close to the surface. It's horrible.

Finally I had had enough! There has GOT to be a way that they will sleep. I scoured resources online and in books trying to come up with ways to get them to sleep more - even half an hour would be a blessing! With trial and error this is what I did:

I put in a peep hole in their bedroom doors so I can check up on them without opening the door. There was some research done that said that perhaps children with Autism are lighter sleepers and wake up to noise (such as a door opening) more easily than children without Autism. I didn't know if it was true - and frankly I didn't care. This was a no-harm/no-foul solution, so the peep hole went in. Now I could see them without opening the door.

I started messing around with the night time routine. Specifically bath times. I watched how the boys were after their baths. Really watched. It turns out that Adam gets energized from his bath while Aaron relaxes. Ok - Adam gets his bath earlier then.

What were they watching or doing before bed was next. TV shows were scrutinized and eliminated. A lot of kids' shows have way too much action for night time. Actually there were only two shows that were calming enough - Little Bear and Tellytubbies. Believe me when I tell you that I owe a debt of gratitude to those two shows. Also, I cut out playtime before bed. Instead we had story time. Before then I was too tired in the evening to read a story - but I pushed myself thinking "If this works, it'll be worth it". It did work and it was worth it. For many reasons. They relaxed and now they're independent readers.

Snack time. What were they having for snack time? I started giving them yogurt and fruit before bed. I had read that somewhere, my foggy memory can't remember where but it sounded good at the time.

What they wore to bed was a big deal also. Adam likes to wear as little as possible. Aaron likes to be dressed like he's heading off to the Artic. So adjustments in what they wore were made.

My husband installed shades in their room that blocked out light and got rid of the curtains. That way, the early daylight of the summer wouldn't wake them. Good idea, hunny!

We tried different sheets on the bed and finally got rid of all sheets and only used a heavy comforter. Sheets get tangled up and it was bothering them.

Then I worked on the morning stuff. I started telling them that 3:00 am was too early to get up and play with toys. I had them relaxing on the sofa or cuddling with me on the rocking chair or even lying in bed with me when the hubby worked nights. We were NOT going to start doing arts and crafts or play with cars that early in the morning. Again I would put on Little Bear or Tellytubbies and we would just veg out until 6:00 am or so.

So we put all these things into place and waited - and prayed. After about a week, and a few tweaks in the routine, I woke up to Adam's chatter and looked at the clock. It was 4:30! FOUR THIRTY!!!!!!!!!! He slept in!!!!!!!!!! It's not 3:00 am!!!!!!!!!!

A few weeks later, it was 5:00 am. Then 5:30. And now it's usually between 6:30 and 7:00 am for Adam and 8:00 am for Aaron (on weekends). That's like normal wake up hours! And not only that - when they wake up, they are quiet and do their own thing. It's heaven I tell you - Heaven!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not saying you should try these things. I'm not saying that they will work for you. Everyone's different and everyone has different sleep patterns. What am I saying is don't give up the fight. There has got to be some way and I hope you find it. I'm rooting for you!

I Love Summer Break pt 2

There are so many reasons why I love summer break. Here are a few of them:

Breakfast Picnics

I totally recommend this for for the ones who have an explorer child who can't be bothered with food. Every summer morning, we make up finger food breakfasts: strawberries, sliced french toast, bananas, blueberries, whatever they'll eat with their fingers that isn't too messy. Then I make myself a coffee (of course) and we go outside to eat. The boys can eat a bit, explore the back yard, come and eat a bit more and so on. No pressure. And I get to have a coffee while enjoying the outside. It's much more relaxed. And because it's more relaxed, my guys eat all their breakfast - go figure.

On rainy mornings, we have our breakfast picnic in the playroom (in our old place it was the living room).

Relaxed and Calm

We still have a routine in the summer. It's just that the routine is more flexible and generic.

Mornings are for checking the Weather Network to see what the weather will be like for the day. That's when we'll decide if we're going to the park or the beach or the library or whatever. And sometimes, they'll just want to stay home.

Afternoons are generally inside time because of the UV and because siestas are awesome.

Evenings are for walks, bike rides, water play in the back yard, going to the park etc.

Then there are the days spent at the cottage with my parents.

Cottage

Ah ... the cottage. Heaven on earth. This is where I spent every summer as a child. Wake up when you want. Spend your days outside - rain or shine (because the rain at the cottage is better than the rain at home dontchaknow). Swimming in the lake until your skin prunes up. Building tree houses. Fire pits. Boat rides. Catching blood suckers. Walking the trails. Eating garden fresh vegetables. Books to read on rainy days. Board games to play in the evenings. Jigjaw puzzles. No computer (which Aaron is ok with surprise surprise). Do your own thing. I love it!

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Summers are for unwinding, for taking a break. It's for exploring - both the world outside and the world within yourself. And by the time September rolls around and school starts up, the boys are recharged and ready once again to face what lies ahead.

I Love Summer Break - part 1

Don't get me wrong, I love when they go to school and I'm able to sit down and have a whole coffee to myself. And I love the quiet time. And I love the fact that I can clean up without the 'help'. But I LOVE summer holidays. LOVE LOVE LOVE.

School day mornings are a performance on my part. See, I'm not what you'd call a morning person. I like to get up in the morning, sit quietly and drink a coffee in relative peace before tackling my day. In order to do that on school mornings, I have to get up before the kids. Since Adam is an early riser, I get up around 5 am. It used to be earlier than that, but Adam has started sleeping in lately - for which I am well and truly grateful. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!

So I have my coffee and read the news and feel life slowly creep back into my body.

Adam gets up around 6:30 am. At this point, I'm ready to smile broadly and sing-song "good morning ... it's a great day". If I don't, my super sensitive Adam will not be in a good mood. Then he goes off to hunt Pokemon until 7:15 am when it's time to wake Aaron. Again, the sing-song "good morning" and the convincing Aaron to get up begins.

Wake Up Time

"Time to get up, buddy"

"I know you're tired. You'll feel better after breakfast"

"It's a great day!"

"Come on, love, let's go downstairs and get some breakfast in you"

"Once you stretch your muscles, you'll feel more awake"

"Out of bed, fred!"

"It's hard to get out of bed when you don't want to. You're awesome!"

Breakfast Time

"Medicine time"

"It's good for you, you need to take it"

"You can do it"

"Down the hatch!"

"Yay! Great job guys"

"Ok guys, breakfast time"

"Aaron, you have to eat now"

"Adam, you need to eat now"

"Aaron, put down the book and come and eat now"

"Adam, you can't 'not hungry' me, you have to eat"

"Aaron, we only have a half hour to eat before we get ready for the bus ... take another bite now"

"Adam, if you don't eat, you'll be hungry before first nutrition break, your brain won't think properly and your muscles will feel like spaghetti - EAT"

"Aaron, good job eating ... now it's time to wash your hands"

"Adam, I'm begging you, eat at least a little bit"

"Aaron, didn't I just ask you to wash your hands ... put down the toy and wash your hands please"

"Adam, take another bite ... just one more bite ... and I'll pay you a million dollars"

"Good job, Adam!"

"Ok guys, time's up - now let's get dressed"

Getting Dressed

"Wow Adam! You're a dynamo! Now you can go take another bite of breakfast"

"Aaron, two socks on are better than one ... let's put on the other one"

"Adam, did you take a bite? Excellent! Do Mom a favour and take one more ok?"

"Aaron, put down the book and let's put on your shirt now"

"Shirt Aaron, let's put on your shirt"

"Aaron, you have to put on your shirt"

"Shirt"

"Shirt"

"This shirt"

"The one in my hand"

"Adam, great job eating breakfast dude!!"

"Aaron, there's no time to talk to Adam, come get your shirt on"

"Great! Now, pants"

"Pants"

"These pants"

"What do you mean you don't like these pants?"

"Ok, wear the pants you want then"

"Put them on"

"On"

"Your pants"

"Shoe time everyone"

"Never mind the hamster, it's time for shoes"

"Shoes"

"Well where DID you put your shoes, Adam? Ok go get them and put them on please"

"Yes, we're going outside, but we need to put on shoes first"

"Aaron, shoes"

"Great job with the shoes ... now it's time for sweaters"

"These sweaters"

"The ones right here"

"Well who wore the yellow one yesterday? Ok then it's Aaron's turn"

"Adam, we'll have to McGyver gloves like Ash Ketchum after school. But for now it's shoe time"

Waiting for the Bus

"Wait Adam, you forgot your school bag ... come back inside and get your school bag"

"Aaron come on now ... we'll look at the plants after school ... time to go outside"

"School bag, Aaron"

"Pick up your school bag"

"Sorry Adam, there's no time to ride your bike/play in the sand/run in the back yard. The bus is coming"

"I know you're tired Aaron. There's only x days left until Saturday"

"Adam, come in the front yard. The bus is coming"

"Yes Aaron, you can sleep as long as you want on Saturday"

"And play on your computer"

"You are all going to have a great day at school today, I feel it!"

"Adam! In the front yard!"

"Here's the bus guys! (kiss on forehead) Have a great and wonderful day!"

"Aaron, you have to go on the bus now"

*Waves to the boys as the bus drives away

It's not that it's especially difficult to get them motivated in the mornings, it's just that it's tiring for me - especially in the winter time. For two months of the year, we don't have to do this. And that is one of the reasons why I LOVE summer holidays.

On the lighter side ....

I have a stair phobia. It's not that I'm scared of stairs. It's more that I'm afraid of people falling down the stairs. I think it started when my eldest was two years old and actually fell down the stairs. I was freaking out and he was giggling - go figure. Now it's a serious, weak in the knees phobia about people falling down stairs.

So now I'm constantly saying "watch for the stairs". And I don't just say it to the boys. I say it everyone. I think it's starting to annoy the boys - I KNOW it's annoys my husband. Aaron rolls his eyes and says "oh mom!", Adam just looks at me. But they do watch those stairs.

The other day, I was walking up the stairs and slipped on one, landing on my knees. That smartbutt son of mine (Aaron) said ever so sweetly "Mom, you should watch those stairs" with a huge grin on his face.

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We have a rule here. Well we have many rules because I'm mean that way. But this part of the post pertains to just one of those rules. The rule is: No riding your bike on the sidewalk unless I'm in the front watching you.

Well wouldn't you know that Adam decides to ride his bike while I'm in the back yard doing something - after I said "stay in the back yard until I'm done and then I'll go in the front" like seconds before. I go out front and get him back in the yard where I ask him "didn't I JUST say to wait a few minutes and then it would be ok?" to which he replied "oh I didn't hear that" (I KNOW he heard because he responded with a whine).

So he's grounded off his bike for a week. Rules are there for a reason. Enforce or die, they say.

I'm telling my mom this story when she asked me "did you say he was grounded off his bike, or all bikes?". "Why?" I ask. That's when she reminded me of a time when I was young (in the dark ages or something), and I was grounded off my bike. At the time, my parents said "you are grounded off YOUR bike". I listened to them and didn't ride my bike; but it didn't stop me from riding my friends' bikes ... until I was caught. My parents were fuming. "We said you were grounded from riding a bike!" they exclaimed. Apparently I sweetly replied "You said I was grounded off MY bike and I wasn't riding MY bike. I was riding Adrian's."

I know now where the kids get their smartbuttness from. And boy am I in trouble!

Busy Weekend and Lesson Learned

Aaron, Adam and I went to a REAL restaurant together for breakfast on Sunday. This was an actual sit down restaurant with no play area. It was quite an exciting experience for me. We had breakfast with their grandmother, great aunts, and cousins. The boys sat there, talked with family, complimented the waitress (they're flirts), ordered, waited, ate their breakfast - all while being polite and using indoor voices. We left right after eating because we had been there an hour and I felt that that was enough time. There was never a mother as proud as I was that morning!

But why didn't you go before this, you ask? It's simple really. The boys weren't ready to sit down and wait for their meal patiently without being loud and disruptive. And since I don't like screaming and yelling when I'm trying to eat, why would I be disrespectful to other diners.
I could have done the restaurant thing before this. I could have let the boys get overwhelmed with noise and start melting down. I could have then endured stares and remarks from others, then felt defensive, then explained that my children have Autism, then felt upset and hurt, then felt angry, then bring the boys home afterwards and spend the rest of the day calming them down from the experience - but why? Just so I can say that I went out? Some fun! I think not.

So we practiced at home. And practiced. And practiced. And practiced. You get the idea.

Not going to a restaurant didn't kill us. It didn't hinder the boys' social growth and it didn't make any of us 'miss out' on life.

Anyway!

After this wonderful breakfast, we went to a friend's home. The boys were able to bounce on a trampoline and play with two very good friends of theirs. It was a great way to 'blow off steam'. After all, they sat still for a whole hour. And I got to have coffee and chat with a friend of mine which is always nice.

Not wanting to cause meltdowns (because I started seeing a few signs of them), we went home, lunched then siesta-ed for about half an hour. That's where we lie down quietly and just relax our bodies. If you call it a nap - you'll get nowhere in this house. It's a siesta or it's nothing!

BUT their day wasn't done yet. They still had a birthday party to go to in the afternoon.

Then off to the birthday party we went. It was awesome. The boys did so great! How can you not have fun at a birthday party?! Playing, eating, birthday cake, more playing, more eating.

They were wonderful considering how busy their Sunday was.

My mistake was not making Monday (which was a PD day) a complete veg-out day. There was a play date for the boys (and for me). And it was fun. Everyone had a good time. The issue came after. Aaron withdrew completely into himself and Adam had become super clingy and emotional. Meltdowns and arguments ruled the house Monday evening. I'm not going to go into details, but let's just say that I learned my lesson - again.

A Matter of Perspective

I debated whether I should title this post "Glass half full" or "It could be worse" or even "Suck it up, buttercup" - all sayings I use regularly. However, perspective is what all those sayings are really all about so there you go.

Before Aaron and Adam, there was Alex. When I was 22 weeks pregnant with Alex, we lost him. He had Spina Bifida, among other issues. Losing Alex was the worst event to ever happen to either my husband or myself. We carry that with us every day. And even though over the years the pain has lessened, the memories remain.

Years later, when the boys were diagnosed with Autism, we looked at each other and thought "It could be worse" because we KNOW what worse is. We lived through "worse". Next to "worse", Autism was doable, livable. It was SO much better than the alternative.

With every obstacle thrown our way, we started using phrases like "It could be worse" followed by an example of how it could in fact be worse. Or, my personal favourite, "Suck it up and deal". Autism is here in our house, whether or not we look at the positive or the negative so we might as well just "suck it up" and do the best we can.

You don't need a tragic event to change your perspective. The possibilities are all around us. If you get a flat tire, you say "it could be worse, I could have two flat tires" as a lame example.

How you perceive Autism will directly affect how you deal with the day to day events. Does that mean that a positive attitude will suddenly make everything better? No it doesn't. It's hard to raise an autistic child - or any child for that matter. There are days when I crawl to bed from exhaustion. But I can guarantee that a good positive spin on things will bring more laughter.



I had the blues because I had no shoes until upon the street, I met a man who had no feet. ~Denis Waitely

Great Expectations

Recently, Adam started riding his bike without training wheels. It was cause for celebration for all of us. I love it when they work hard towards a goal and achieve it. It's great!

Aaron, on the other hand, is still using training wheels. Aaron doesn't mind. We've explained that people do things at different times and it will happen when it happens as long as he keeps trying. He's good with that - we're good with that. And if he never gets to the point where he can ride his bike without training wheels, I'm not going to 'sweat it'.

One of our neighbours was watching Adam ride his bike and asked him "don't you have training wheels?" and Adam said "no" and Aaron very proudly announced that Adam hasn't had training wheels in a while. This neighbour then said that they noticed a bike in the back yard that still had training wheels. Aaron said that it was his bike. Then this neighbour said "But aren't you older than Adam?" I quickly cut in and said "Age doesn't matter". Maybe it was the way I said it, but this neighbour quickly mumbled something and left. Now this neighbour knows that the kids have Autism, but even if they didn't they should just assume that because one child is older that they should be more advanced.

Buying into the age = milestone philosophy is wrong and puts WAY too much pressure on parents and children alike. It sets us all up for feelings of failure and desperation.

It reminded me of what I like to call the Era of Potty Training. Too many times I heard from people "What! They're still in diapers?" and looked at me as if I wanted to keep them as babies. What I WAS doing was showing them the potty, doing the potty seat demonstations, encouraging the potty routine and praising all efforts. What I wasn't doing was pressuring. I figured it would happen when it happened. "You rarely see a 30 year old in diapers". Now they are diaper-free.

There is a fine line between encouraging and pressuring. We try to encourage our children to grow and learn new things. We try not to pressure them to achieve milestones before they are ready.

They will achieve milestones when they achieve them and we will celebrate each and every one of them. As for the milestones they miss, we'll keep trying!

Music's the medicine of the mind. ~John A. Logan

For Christmas two years ago, Santa got my husband a Sirus radio. It's just wonderful. We all have our favourite stations. One station that we all love is the children's station. The hosts are funny and we get to listen to songs that we might not otherwise hear.

One day, we were listening to the station when a song came on. All of a sudden the boys stopped talking, sat still, and completely relaxed. I found my body relaxing also. The voices were soothing. I looked it up on the internet and found that it was sung by the group Ladysmith Black Mambazo.

I want to share the song with you now. Old MacDonald - Zulu style.